I must be too annoying 4 u.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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