No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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