I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
