If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
