If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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