This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
