Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me

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(808): View more from Hawaii

you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe

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(314): View more from Missouri

On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

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(916): View more from California

I'm back here naked if anyones wondering

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(770): View more from Georgia

I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.

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