I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
