Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize