So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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