she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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