the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
