i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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