Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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