please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
