Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
