1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
