he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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