did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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