4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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