Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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