i already hear my dad disowning me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
