Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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