dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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