your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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