I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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