sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
