I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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