i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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