Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
