Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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