You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
