My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
