winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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