God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
