If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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