Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
