1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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