I puked a lego.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
