I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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