The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
nutella sex= disaster
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
