i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
