I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
