I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
