I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
