Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
