Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
