I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i dont even know how to be here
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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