It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
