Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
