I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
