i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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