I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
not ubering you a puppy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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