Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
