Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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