i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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