My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
