that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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