Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please come you make the beer taste better
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
