we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
