It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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