And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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