I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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