MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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