I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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