dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
