i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
