do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
