I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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