my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize