Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
