Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
