i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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