well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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