two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
