I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
