So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
