I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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