apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
