i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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