I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
