eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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