Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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