She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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