Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
