i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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