I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
