My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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