i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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