i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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