i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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