GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
