So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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