fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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