You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
