so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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