my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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