I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
