You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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