sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Boobs speak an international language.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
