just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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