he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
