I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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