Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
