It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
