This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
